The first Cacophony event in Portland took place in a gigantic abandoned Greyhound bus repair facility. People dressed in costume and did theatrical things.

Chuck Palahnuiak joined in š94 and became good friends with Chuck Linville and Marcy McFarland, some of the Portland Cacophony organizers. I met him when we did the third Santa Claus event, which was in Portland. The first was in š94 in San Francisco, the second one was in š95 and turned into a mob scene‹several Santas were arrested‹so we decided we wouldnšt do it again. (The thing about 'annual' events is that they tend to become too predictable and encrusted; often therešs not a lot of creativity the second or third time you do something, and certainly not by the fourth or fifth.)

The third Santa event in 1996 took place in Portland‹that seemed like such a nice, quiet town. We advertised this in the S.F. Cacophony newsletter and Reverend Al, the Cacophony avatar of the Los Angeles group, put the word out. We ended up with a planeload of seventy Santas leaving San Francisco. One of the Cacophony members was a travel agent, Nancy Freiburg, who was also a member of the Bolt Action Rifle Club. Thirty more came up from San Francisco in Chicken Johnšs bus, there were thirty from L.A., and easily a hundred from Portland. So there were more than two hundred Santas altogether.

Somebody ratted us out. The Portland police contacted the San Francisco police and got the police incident report from our Santa event the year before. So they were prepared for us. They sent flyers to local merchants saying that Santanarchists were planning to trash the town, and the police may have even tapped our phones or were monitoring our emails. We got off the plane and were met at the airport by three officers of the Portland Police Intelligence Bureau. We said, 'Look, wešre like the Elks Club. Wešre gonna spend money in Portland. Wešre not here to trash businesses. Itšs just a fun event. Wešre just a bunch of morons in red suits; give us a break!' They ended up following us around for the entire weekend. There are a lot of stories because some of the groups split off and did different things. My group, which had about thirty people, decided to take a public bus to a roller skating rink near outer Portland, and there were two cop cars following the bus. There were cop cars following each group; they must have deployed fifty to sixty cops following Santas this weekend.

Then we took the bus to Chuck Linvillešs house, whošs one of the main Portland organizers. Hešs also an Art Car guy, and works for the Post Office. We decided to see if we could ditch the cops. So the bus stops a couple blocks before Chuckšs house, and as soon as the door opens, everyone runs like hell and hides behind a wall. The cop car squeals around the corner, doesnšt see thirty Santas, and starts going two miles an hour, looking for us. Then we all jump out from behind the wall and go, 'Surprise!'

All these Santas convene on Chuckšs suburban lawn, while four cop cars are parked at surrounding intersections, watching us. Finally, the cops start to realize that wešre just partying; wešre not some hardcore black bag anarchists. Some Santa girls are going up to them, asking, 'Have you been naughty or nice?' The beat cops are thinking, 'This is a waste of time; why are we following these Santas?'

The culmination came at sunset, when all the Santas were going to meet at the giant Lloyds Center mall in downtown Portland, with this ice skating rink where Tonya Harding skated. By this time the police had been following all of us for a day and a half, and now there was a line of police cars parked, completely blocking our entrance to the mall. We tell the cops, 'Look, we want to go into the mall and sing Christmas carols. Think of the wonderful image of all these Santas in your mall.'

They said, 'The mall is private property. We donšt care if therešs two hundred of you; if you go in, wešll have to arrest all of you.' So all the Santas were despondent: 'What are we gonna do? We gotta do something.' There was a line of cops standing there in body armor and truncheons, so we formed a line and started singing 'Jingle Bells' to them. Then we yelled, 'Merry Christmas!' and turned around and took the train downtown.

Other excerpts from Pranks! 2:

• Jihad Jerry
• Al Jourgensen & Jello Biafra
• The Yes Men
• Suicide Club
• Reverend Al
• Julia Solis
• Billboard Liberation Front
• Marc Powell
• Frank Discussion
• Paul Krassner
• Margaret Cho
• John Waters
• Ron English
• Joey Skaggs
• Survival Research Laboratories
• monochrom
• Lydia Lunch

Table of Contents

Body Modifications and Sexuality / Music & Films / Subversives/Alternative Acts / Writers/Fiction